Bane of My Existence
by The Slytherin Devoid
Summary: The life of Regulus, his feelings towards Sirius and his idea on existence.


**Hey, it's here, I've just writtten this little oneshot about Regulus, pretty selfexplanatory :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't on HP despite hom much i wish i did.**

**So on with the story enjoy and don't forget to review :)**

Some say that light travels faster than anything known to man, as I sit here pondering my existence I realise how truly wrong they are, no matter how quick light is the darkness is always there first waiting just waiting for that finial confrontation, just like I am doing now. As I sit here I wonder the reason my life turned out like it did. Was it fate? Do I believe in fate? Or was I just moulded into the perfect death eater, one cruel, cold, calculating decision after the next?

It was my decisions that got me here in the first place; I chose to view Sirius as a blood traitor and shame to our name. I chose to believe in the lies that I was feed, one after another until it was all I knew; next I was being propositioned by that Snape boy into something that would change the world as we knew it, something great and powerful something altogether evil and murderous.

The life I lead was filled with misdirection. I wasn't one of them, I wasn't a death eater or Voldemort's servant, not at heart, inside I was just like Sirius, I didn't believe we were any better than muggleborns and half breeds, I didn't believe that dark arts was the answer to everything, I didn't believe that if I wanted something then I should just take it no matter who it hurt, that wasn't me, maybe on the outside but never on the inside.

There was a reason why I was sorted into Slytherin, I was just to cowardly to act on my beliefs my feelings not like Sirius, I was always jealous of my brother, he was able to do everything I wished but never had the strength to do, being sorted into Gryffindor, defining the pure Black family name, befriending blood traitors and half-bloods, he was my hero and I would forever stand in his shadow.

But there was one decision in particular that became the nail in my coffin so to speak; the night Sirius ran away. I watched from the top of the landing, the Slytherin green carpet sinking under my steel capped boots as Sirius screamed his equivalent of goodbyes to my dearly beloved mother, oh how I despised her, they all mistook my cowardice as intelligence, I always did as I was told, I was the pride and joy of the Black family, I was finally better than my brother but for all the wrong reasons.

Sirius stood at the bottom of the old mahogany staircase and stared up to me with his trunk in one hand, wand stuffed in the back pocket of his muggle jeans, his grey eyes flickering towards the door as if he was ready to bolt at any moment. His eyes hit mine an explosion of steely grey meeting a softer, welcoming stare almost piteous, "Regulus…"

"Save it Sirius... Just go"

I had just committed the biggest mistake of my short life. My eyes left his and the next second he was gone. I stood there at the top of that landing for god knows how long my eyes taking in every detail of the emptiness and betrayal that I felt inside, my heart was breaking. It's funny how even though two young boys had grown up in this house it had never felt like a home, it felt cold, empty and unloved just like I did as I stood at the top of that landing the soft Slytherin carpet sinking under my steel caps, alone again.

I was always alone, or at least that's how it felt, deep down I always thought that Sirius understood me; he knew that I didn't believe in any of the bullshit that the dark arts relied on and sometimes that was the only thing pulling me through.

As I sit here in this dark decrepit cave I realise what I must do to set all of my decisions, my misdirections correct. The dark Lord thinks I'm his, how he is wrong, I don't belong to anyone, for once in my life I am my own man, for once in my life I am not the pride of the Black family, I am not Sirius' shadow, I am not the Dark Lord's servant, I am just me, just Regulus.

As I sit finishing of the last thing I will ever write, _R.A.B_, Kreacher hugging my legs I know just know that Sirius my dear brave brother would be proud. I send kreacher on his way with that failure of a plan; horcruxes, his beady eyes hopeful yet insecure I know that I won't return the dark lord will see to that, I won't worry kreacher with false consolations, I won't make it back I know that. The mentality soon becomes physical as slimy slippery hands pull me under the surface, hindering my breaths, the last thing I see, my beloved kreacher, locket bouncing off his chest as he finally apparates away, sorrow ever present in his beady eyes. I knew of my fate as I was pulled into the darkness now I wait for the light and that finial confrontation. Somewhere I just know Sirius would be proud.

**Aww Isn't that sad, you know what would make me feel better, a nice long review so please press that little button, i love hearing from all of you, peace **


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